The Original Query:
To Whom This May Concern,
GO BLOG YOURSELF!
What better way to showcase concrete research on blogging as a legit form of writing for students then to place it next to blog entries from the researcher, and teacher, herself?
My book, GO BLOG YOURSELF, would include entries from two of my blogs (a teaching blog and private blog, started in the spring of 2002) intermingled with chapters that include blogging research I’ve conducted over the years. Due to the recent nature of blogs this book would fill a much needed void of concrete research connected with blogs for academics, as well as attract recreational readers of blog and bloggers alike.
Through the process of becoming an Associate Professor (in North Dakota!), I’ve kept up with several blogs, and I’ve co-published an article* on blogging with Dr. X and Y, both professors at _____. In addition, I’ve taught using blogs (class blogs, too) since the spring of 2002 at NDSU and, currently, at the North Dakota State College of Science in Wahpeton, ND (a hour south of Fargo). Within the last few years, I’ve also given presentations on how blogging has worked in my classrooms.
I believe GO BLOG YOURSELF would be suitable for the ___ Corporation. Enclosed, you’ll find a Table of Contents and a sample chapter of GO BLOG YOURSELF. A SASE is included for your reply. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
*That article can be found here: (Redacted)
To Whom This May Concern, Dear Ms. Agent, (Make sure you’re researching agents and personalizing your query letter. This is someone who’s going to (possibly) be your business partner, so include their name. I’m sure that you aren’t sending out letters “To Whom This May Concern” but for the purpose of the critiques, I have to point that out.)
GO BLOG YOURSELF! What better way to showcase concrete research on blogging as a legit form of writing for students then to place it next to blog entries from the researcher, and teacher, herself? (As an opening, this isn’t working for a couple of reasons. The first being it almost comes across as an “As Seen On TV” infomercial (sorry!). Yes, you want a sales pitch, but it doesn’t have to be over-the-top. Query letters, whether they are for fiction or non-fiction, should start with your hook. And in order to have a successful hook, you want to remove the question element altogether. STATE what this book is about and why it’s unique and why readers are going to pick it up. Here’s what I mean…let’s say you’re at a dinner party and your friend asks you what your book is about. You probably wouldn’t answer them with a question, you’d explain it in a sentence or two.)
My book, GO BLOG YOURSELF, would include entries from two of my blogs (a teaching blog and private blog, started in the spring of 2002) intermingled with chapters that include blogging research I’ve conducted over the years. Due to the recent nature (maybe insert what recent nature of blogs here, because leaving it so open-ended could mean anything. Are you talking about the recent downfall of blogs? The relevance of blogs? How blogs have changed/evolved? Don’t be afraid to spell it out – it’ll only take a word or two to clarify what you mean) of blogs this book would fill a much needed void of concrete research connected with blogs for academics (how?), as well as attract recreational readers of blogs and bloggers alike. (If it’s research about blogs for academics, why would it attract recreational blog readers?)
Through the process of becoming an Associate Professor
(in North Dakota!) (Why is this here? It doesn’t add to your query, save the space for more pertinent information relating to your platform and what exactly your book is about. By this point, I’m still not sure who your target market is (Students? Teachers? Readers? Bloggers?) and what exactly your book is going to cover), I’ve kept up with several blogs (you’ve followed several blogs, or you personally keep several blogs? And if it’s blogs you just read, that’s not really telling the agent about your proposal. If this is the research part, how reliable are the sources?), and I’ve co-published an article* (This is one of those parts where you want to tell the agent your credits. Where was this published? National, local, print, academic journal, e-format? Don’t be vague with your credentials.) on blogging with Dr. X and Y, both professors at _____. In addition, I’ve taught using blogs (class blogs, too) since the spring of 2002 at NDSU and, currently, at the North Dakota State College of Science. in Wahpeton, ND. (a hour south of Fargo) (Again, this is unnecessary, tell the agent more about why this book? Why you?) Within the last few years, I’ve also given presentations (How many? To whom?) on how blogging has worked in my classrooms. (How has blogging worked in your classrooms?)
I believe GO BLOG YOURSELF would be suitable for the ___ Corporation (Just one place? I thought from your opening it would appeal to students and bloggers and blog readers, too?). Enclosed, you’ll find a Table of Contents and a sample chapter of GO BLOG YOURSELF. (Make sure you’re researching agent guidelines; find out if the agent you are querying prefers JUST a query letter first. You can say “sample chapters are available upon request” if they don’t ask for material upfront.) A SASE is included for your reply. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
*That article can be found here: (Redacted)
Okay, so here’s the thing: platform is an essential part of non-fiction. Yes, you mention you’ve got two blogs and have co-published an article, but the agent isn’t hearing about the numbers. Do you promote your blogs on social media? How many followers/subscribers/friends/fans do you have on twitter/blog(s)/facebook, etc. You’ve given presentations, that’s good! How many, and how many do you do a year? Are there opportunities for you to sell your books at these presentations? Are they local, national, etc.? This is your place to SHINE, talk yourself up.
Credentials and platform mixed with a great/unique idea are the basis of what you want to come across in this proposal. I can’t give a more in-depth critique like I can for fiction, but I can give you a few questions to keep in mind while you’re crafting your next draft.
After reading this several times I’m still not entirely sure what your book is about. Yeah, it’s about blogging and blogging relating to academics (I think), but what exactly are you teaching the reader? How to make money at blogging? How to quit your job and blog full-time? How to grow readership? How to integrate blogs in the classroom?
You mention that it will not only appeal to students, but to bloggers (and readers of blogs) as well. Again, I still don’t know why, because I don’t know much about the book.
I think your title is catchy, and you’ve got a good voice – you just need to hone it into a streamlined pitch that’s CLEAR. You’re the expert on the subject, make sure you “show” your expertise.
Here’s what I’ve learned from my agent, basically you want to answer three questions:
Why this book?
The questions don’t have to be answered in that order, but they do need to be answered. Find a way to let your voice shine through authentically (without being forced or over-the-top), and you’ll have a killer proposal.
Here are some helpful links for non-fiction query letters that you can use as reference guides: (the people who wrote these have stellar advice and are much more in-the-know regarding successful non-fiction proposals.)
MOST importantly: Thank you to this brave author for sharing their query with everyone. You are ten kinds of awesome, I mean it. Critiques are NEVER easy, but I *know* you are going to come up with a kick-butt pitch that’s going to land you some amazing requests. Good luck with this!
6 thoughts on “Query Critique (Non-fiction)”
Kerri, you are so scarily good at these query crits! I wish I’d known you when I was writing my queries. As it was, I’m pretty sure Barbara took me on because she read my first 10 pages at a conference. If it had been up to my lame query, I’d have gotten the rejection stamp!
Oh, YOUUUU. You are SO making me blush! I’m sure your query was perfectly awesome — I’ve read your pages and can attest to your skillz 🙂
Kerri, I love these query critiques! It’s amazing how much food for thought can be learned by reading them. I could tell something was “off” but couldn’t pinpoint it. When my book is finished I know what posts I’ll be referencing. Thanks!
Thanks Michelle! I’m so glad you’re finding them helpful!! 🙂
Kerri, you are TRIPLE A+++ at this query crit stuff – AWESOME, ASTOUNDING, & AMAZING! You really have a gift, as well as a great eye and super nice delivery. I can’t believe you can pull so much out, and make it tighter, infinitely more polished, and more likely to catch an agent’s eye. YOU HAVE SUPER POWERS AND YOUR LASER VISION ROCKS!!!
Wow, thanks Kat! I’m definitely not worthy of such a great comment 🙂
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